When one sees Muslim
leaders (even if they’re
usually of the male
variety) attempt to take
on serious and relevant
issues to the Muslim
Ummah such as sexually
dysfunctional marital
relationships, one truly
hopes for the best. Alas, well-meaning though they may be, there
becomes glaringly obvious a lack of knowledge and understanding
regarding female sexuality.
A few claims that are being made and circulated en masse (and
dangerously so) are the following:
Muslim women (especially from ‘conservative, practicing families’) do
not really experience sexual arousal or any feelings of intense sexuality
before marriage.
leaders (even if they’re
usually of the male
variety) attempt to take
on serious and relevant
issues to the Muslim
Ummah such as sexually
dysfunctional marital
relationships, one truly
hopes for the best. Alas, well-meaning though they may be, there
becomes glaringly obvious a lack of knowledge and understanding
regarding female sexuality.
A few claims that are being made and circulated en masse (and
dangerously so) are the following:
Muslim women (especially from ‘conservative, practicing families’) do
not really experience sexual arousal or any feelings of intense sexuality
before marriage.
Women’s fitrah(basic nature) is such that they are automatically less
sexual than men.
Muslim women are intimidated and scared by even discussions about
sex prior to marriage; if a Muslim man wants to discuss it with his
fiancée, he shouldn’t lest she run in the opposite direction.
Women don’t ‘need’ to orgasm as much as men do; their sexual
feelings are minimal and what they truly seek from sexual encounters
is not necessary physical pleasure, but emotional connection.
Not only are all these claims inaccurate, but to perpetuate them on a
massive public forum – and by an individual with significant influence
over large numbers of Muslims – is extremely dangerous due to the
fact that the Muslim community already suffers from a horrific lack of
knowledge and awareness about sex and female sexuality.
This is not Islam
Despite the fact that Islamic texts fully recognize women’s sexual
needs and in fact protects them as a religious right, many male Muslim
leaders perpetuate cultural stereotypes about the nature of female
sexuality and falsely pass them off as Islamic guidance. Such ridiculous
ideas include the belief that women have a lesser need and
sexual than men.
Muslim women are intimidated and scared by even discussions about
sex prior to marriage; if a Muslim man wants to discuss it with his
fiancée, he shouldn’t lest she run in the opposite direction.
Women don’t ‘need’ to orgasm as much as men do; their sexual
feelings are minimal and what they truly seek from sexual encounters
is not necessary physical pleasure, but emotional connection.
Not only are all these claims inaccurate, but to perpetuate them on a
massive public forum – and by an individual with significant influence
over large numbers of Muslims – is extremely dangerous due to the
fact that the Muslim community already suffers from a horrific lack of
knowledge and awareness about sex and female sexuality.
This is not Islam
Despite the fact that Islamic texts fully recognize women’s sexual
needs and in fact protects them as a religious right, many male Muslim
leaders perpetuate cultural stereotypes about the nature of female
sexuality and falsely pass them off as Islamic guidance. Such ridiculous
ideas include the belief that women have a lesser need and
appreciation for the physical aspect of intimacy; that they do not
experience intense sexual arousal prior to marriage; and that the very
idea of sex is disturbing and unnatural to them, or that they are unable
to comprehend the true nature of intercourse before marriage.
In all fairness, even Western cultures and scientific thought has long
held faulty and inaccurate beliefs regarding female sexuality (most
famously, the views of Sigmund Freud and the Victorian phenomenon
of ‘hysteria’). However, it is also true that Western society has moved
along with considerable speed with regards to knowledge of female
sexuality than many Eastern (and Muslim) cultures have.
It must still be kept in mind, though, that the amount of studies and
research collected on female sexuality is dwarfed by those about men,
and that there remains a great deal to be discovered about female
sexuality in general.
Going back to the claims being publicly taught, there is first of all a
severely erroneous conflation between the reality of culturally
ingrained attitudes about sex, and the actual innate physical desires
and needs that women have for sex.
While it is absolutely true that many Muslim cultures teach women
unhealthy negative attitudes about sex and equate female
experience intense sexual arousal prior to marriage; and that the very
idea of sex is disturbing and unnatural to them, or that they are unable
to comprehend the true nature of intercourse before marriage.
In all fairness, even Western cultures and scientific thought has long
held faulty and inaccurate beliefs regarding female sexuality (most
famously, the views of Sigmund Freud and the Victorian phenomenon
of ‘hysteria’). However, it is also true that Western society has moved
along with considerable speed with regards to knowledge of female
sexuality than many Eastern (and Muslim) cultures have.
It must still be kept in mind, though, that the amount of studies and
research collected on female sexuality is dwarfed by those about men,
and that there remains a great deal to be discovered about female
sexuality in general.
Going back to the claims being publicly taught, there is first of all a
severely erroneous conflation between the reality of culturally
ingrained attitudes about sex, and the actual innate physical desires
and needs that women have for sex.
While it is absolutely true that many Muslim cultures teach women
unhealthy negative attitudes about sex and equate female
Sexual curiosity exists in women just as it exists in men; since many
girls mature physically and mentally faster than boys, they can be
ahead of the game when it comes to being curious about sex.
Whether it’s reading romance novels (and anyone who thinks that girls
read romance novels just for the emotional fluff is fooling themselves)
or magazines like Cosmopolitan, girls crave information about both
the romantic and the explicitly sexual.
Communication about sexual issues is another matter, one tied much
more strongly to the aforementioned cultural brainwashing about
intimacy than the idea that women have an inherent and instinctive
fear or aversion to sex.
Advising Muslim men to ‘just pray Istikhaarah’ instead of respectfully
discussing or asking questions related to sex with their fiancées is
harmful and, quite frankly, insulting to both the man and the woman.
We should not be perpetuating attitudes of embarrassment, shame,
and stigma about sexual issues but rather, encouraging men and
women to approach the topic with respect, dignity, and honesty. It
may be uncomfortable at first or awkward, but then, all positive
growth and change is by necessity.
girls mature physically and mentally faster than boys, they can be
ahead of the game when it comes to being curious about sex.
Whether it’s reading romance novels (and anyone who thinks that girls
read romance novels just for the emotional fluff is fooling themselves)
or magazines like Cosmopolitan, girls crave information about both
the romantic and the explicitly sexual.
Communication about sexual issues is another matter, one tied much
more strongly to the aforementioned cultural brainwashing about
intimacy than the idea that women have an inherent and instinctive
fear or aversion to sex.
Advising Muslim men to ‘just pray Istikhaarah’ instead of respectfully
discussing or asking questions related to sex with their fiancées is
harmful and, quite frankly, insulting to both the man and the woman.
We should not be perpetuating attitudes of embarrassment, shame,
and stigma about sexual issues but rather, encouraging men and
women to approach the topic with respect, dignity, and honesty. It
may be uncomfortable at first or awkward, but then, all positive
growth and change is by necessity.
It is necessary to say here that a great deal of work needs to be done
in training Muslim men and women on how to discuss matters related
to sex and marriage in a respectful, dignified, and mature manner.
There is one final issue – the idea that women are innately ‘less sexual’
than men. While there is no denying the biological differences
between men and women, including sexually, there is a big difference
between recognizing the difference, and claiming that women simply
aren’t as sexual.
More accurate would be to state that what men and women find
sexually appealing and arousing, how they react to such stimuli, and
the levels at which they respond to such urges differ greatly – but do
not take away from the inherent sexuality of women.
It is also a fallacy to say that the sole or primary benefit or reason that
women engage in sex is for an emotional connection; rather, while
some women do enjoy sex more because of the emotional connection,
it is not a necessary component of their actual satisfaction or orgasm.
In fact, the vagina – specifically the clitoris – has thousands more
nerve endings than the penis, which means that its orgasm can be
correspondingly much, much more intense than the male orgasm, and
contradicts the belief of those men who are convinced that women
in training Muslim men and women on how to discuss matters related
to sex and marriage in a respectful, dignified, and mature manner.
There is one final issue – the idea that women are innately ‘less sexual’
than men. While there is no denying the biological differences
between men and women, including sexually, there is a big difference
between recognizing the difference, and claiming that women simply
aren’t as sexual.
More accurate would be to state that what men and women find
sexually appealing and arousing, how they react to such stimuli, and
the levels at which they respond to such urges differ greatly – but do
not take away from the inherent sexuality of women.
It is also a fallacy to say that the sole or primary benefit or reason that
women engage in sex is for an emotional connection; rather, while
some women do enjoy sex more because of the emotional connection,
it is not a necessary component of their actual satisfaction or orgasm.
In fact, the vagina – specifically the clitoris – has thousands more
nerve endings than the penis, which means that its orgasm can be
correspondingly much, much more intense than the male orgasm, and
contradicts the belief of those men who are convinced that women
don’t really ‘feel it.’ (Not to mention that women are capable of
different types of orgasm and multiple orgasms.)
It is worth noting that, once sexually aroused, women have a much
stronger need to orgasm than men do. If they are stimulated and left
unsatisfied, it causes extreme emotional upset (and significant
physical discomfort). Should this become a recurring pattern, where
husbands reach climax but make no effort to ensure their wives’
satisfaction, women often end up angry and resistant to being sexually
available.
Psychological HalehBanani mentions as well that women who are
emotionally unsatisfied in their marriages yet are sexually fulfilled
have higher rates of remaining within that marriage than the other
way around. If that doesn’t underscore the point well enough, I don’t
know what will.
The claim that women have fewer or less intense desires, or a
somehow less important need for orgasm, is in fact an unhealthy way
of minimizing female sexuality and its priority in a relationship.
This takes place both amongst Muslims and non-Muslims and is a sign
of how misogyny permeates our attitudes such that we automatically
do not consider women to be of equal footing even in bed (and God
By. ZainabbintYounus onislam.net
different types of orgasm and multiple orgasms.)
It is worth noting that, once sexually aroused, women have a much
stronger need to orgasm than men do. If they are stimulated and left
unsatisfied, it causes extreme emotional upset (and significant
physical discomfort). Should this become a recurring pattern, where
husbands reach climax but make no effort to ensure their wives’
satisfaction, women often end up angry and resistant to being sexually
available.
Psychological HalehBanani mentions as well that women who are
emotionally unsatisfied in their marriages yet are sexually fulfilled
have higher rates of remaining within that marriage than the other
way around. If that doesn’t underscore the point well enough, I don’t
know what will.
The claim that women have fewer or less intense desires, or a
somehow less important need for orgasm, is in fact an unhealthy way
of minimizing female sexuality and its priority in a relationship.
This takes place both amongst Muslims and non-Muslims and is a sign
of how misogyny permeates our attitudes such that we automatically
do not consider women to be of equal footing even in bed (and God
By. ZainabbintYounus onislam.net
0 komentar:
Post a Comment